Beata, from Poland, sent this essay as a response to an earlier post called “Robert Taylor, Barbara Stanwyck and Lana Turner.” I think she has some interesting points to make and hope that some other people will respond in the comments section.
From Beata in Poland on 7/8/2015
I decided to take part in this discussion about Barbara Stanwyck and Robert Taylor. Recently I have spent some time on reading about their lives and relationship. That brought me to some conclusions I would like to share.
1. There is no way in hell that they have a ” lavender” marriage or ” white” marriage, or anything even close to that. Their relationship was all about the love, a very difficult love perhaps, but there is no doubt in my mind that these people truly , madly, crazy loved one another. Yes, one another. They had something very special, some kind of passion that only very few can understand.
In order to feel so much even years after divorce in a sense of being bitter or angry, one really had to care for someone who still has an impact like this. These two could never stay indifferent towards each other. That says it all. Barbara loved him so much, we all agree on that. But I believe that he loved her very dearly too. He had this very deep conviction that he wasn’t good enough, talented enough. It had to be very hard on him. On a contrary to Ursula Thiess, Stanwyck never visited his sets, [She did now and then] didn’t share his passion for hunting and flying….She gave him here a freedom , he might partly enjoy, but she also invited him to form a life away from her. I read that she was too bossy…..Nonsense. She gave him so much space to do his own thing…that eventually she might have lost him because of this. His infidelities were also perhaps some cry for attention, his longing to have his woman close by. Ursula Thiess understood it very well, Barbara did not, because all things aside she was his equal, she had her career too. He did not think of her even this much. He thought she was way better than him and to ease his pay and suit his broken , insecure male pride,
He slept around with women that were around , were willing and proved time and time again ,that he was a big star and exceptionally beautiful looking man. And he was, yes he was.
I get upset when I read that their sexual relationship ceased to exist years before they split up. What a nonsense ! Would any of You suffer so much from breaking relationship which in fact was dead for years? And did we all not read time after time that they were a very private couple and never discuss their personal life with anybody really ? I know for myself that if I was in a relationship without sex, I would not go crazy about infidelity of my partner. After all they were hardly 40 years old…, they were still young. How can You mourn a relationship that denies You this very valid part of being together? How can You also stay this way for the rest of your life, like Barbara did. Nonsense. There is so much nonsense, so little intelligence in the way most of these books are written. Common , we should really just use our brains….
2. I do believe that Robert Taylor was truly happy in his second marriage. This relationship brought him children that he really longed for. He also had a wife in very traditional meaning of this word. She did not compete with him. She did not let him live his life. She rather stood by his side. So when he was kissing some beautiful actress on the set, in between takes he was his wife watching him. And at the end of the day, he could lay down next to her, he wasn’t alone. But to say that he loved Ursula more than Barbara is like saying what is better apples or pears….
I do believe that his relationship to Barbara was more crazy, was about becoming Mr. Robert Taylor….or as he often said Mr. Barbara Stanwyck. I think he admired her , he has learned a lot from her and last but not least he has never forgotten her. She and he never really got over each other. Not really.
I would never get angry at my ex on tv doing anything if I didn’t still care. I would never stare at my ex seeing him anywhere at all. I would never try to be in touch. I would not have a need to say good bye in what I must have known were the last weeks of my life. What for? If I did not care….
If Barbara Stanwyck would even attempt to be a mother and wife, give him a feeling he meant more, they would always be together. If she didn’t make this big fuss about an Italian starlet, it would most likely last longer. The key was not a lack of love. The key was wanting different things in life. And in that sense he found the happiness and she didn’t , because for her was no other man,not really. For him time healed lots of wounds….gave him a beautiful and loving wife. Gave him children he really loved.
Barbara lost him because she was too good actress and too bad mother and too untraditional wife. At some point of life he really needed it. But to say that these two people did not love each other, or to say that she loved him, but he did not feel the same way back is just plain wrong.
3. I have a great respect for Robert Taylor second marriage. I have a very great respect for Ursula Thiess. She was a very smart cookie and she chose love for her family as this was the most important thing in her life. And even though I value their relationship, I disagree that was by definition the greatest love in Robert Taylor’s life. I think aside from his second wife, and aside from his beloved children, the greatest love of his life was most definitely Barbara Stanwyck.
She said once about them ” I spoke with Bob yesterday and I know what I know. He knows what he knows. Other people don’t ”
All I know is that they loved each other. Didn’t make it, nevertheless , love each other.
PS Please excuse me for my simple and often broken English. I am Polish and my English has its limits. Thank You for reading. Best regards to all You Robert Taylor fans. I consider myself to be one of them as well.